Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
