Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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