I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
