shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
