My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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