it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
