I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Drake has all the answers
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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