remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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