You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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