wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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