a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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