Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
