you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
