And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
