the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
