She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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