I haven't been this sober since birth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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