I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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