just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
