Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize