i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
