I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
