I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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