I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
