I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
