I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
