don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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