I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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