someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
