i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
