The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
