There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
