I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize