Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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