Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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