Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
