I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
