I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
