the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
