we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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