she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize