any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
