Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
