i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So vagazzling was a success
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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