There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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