so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
