My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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