I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize