if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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