and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
