Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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