good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
