I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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