Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
