I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
