How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
