Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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