She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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