her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
