DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
