Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
