I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
