Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
