I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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