where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
