worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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