Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
