i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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