i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
