The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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