I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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