even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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