Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
