My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
